Assumptions - Do They Drive Your Actions?
As adults, we have all heard the following statement: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” We know what that means, and hopefully we act accordingly. But how did we learn about that statement? Who taught us what that means, and how we should behave?
Assumptions are decisions we make, consciously or unconsciously, based on previous experiences, stories we have been told, and sometimes based on fear or ignorance. Often, making assumptions about people is based on how the person looks, well before making an attempt to actually get to know that person. Part of The Nora Project’s mission is to teach children about assumptions and about both visible and invisible differences. Using stories and videos along with discussion and reflection activities, students participating in The Nora Project are taught that making assumptions can sometimes be hurtful, and can prevent them from making new friends. They are guided through lessons that teach them how to be good friends, respecting each others’ differences, while acknowledging their similarities.
Here are a few resources about disability-related assumptions that you could use to spark heartfelt dialogue with your children at home. As you begin these types of frank discussions, remember that asking questions is one of the ways that children learn, so don’t discourage them from asking. What you can do is teach them how to ask questions in a respectful manner. Download this guide from The Nora Project, Asking Respectful Questions, to assist you.
Read a book together. The book entitled What if Everybody Thought That? is a great place to start. This book allows children to view a number of scenarios where assumptions are made based on how a person looks. The assumption is then disproven, allowing children to see that the assumption that was made did not match reality. Talk about situations when you may have made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. Ask your children if they remember a time when they made a wrong assumption. Discuss how you can all learn from these situations, so that you don’t make the same mistakes in the future.
Do an activity. Physical differences are quite visible, and often lead to assumptions that can prevent friendships from forming.Try this activity, which has been modified from The Nora Project’s Primer Pack, to talk to your children about why it is so important to see each other as more alike than different: Share this photo and ask your child what they see? Explain that many people would see the image of Owen and guess that because he uses a wheelchair, he must not be able to play video games. Or maybe, that he doesn’t like video games. If we were in Owen’s shoes, we would not like it if somebody just guessed that we didn’t like something and did not give us a chance. Then, watch this video, Microsoft commercial - Owen. Ask your child to share or write their reflections of what they thought about the commercial.
Watch a TED Talk. For older children, watch this Tedx Talk together - Checking your assumptions: What our perceptions get wrong | Kelly Brush | TEDxMiddlebury. Kelly begins by asking everyone to write down 5 words that they would use to describe her. Pause the video and do that together with your children. Then review your words at the end. Talk about how your words did or did not match with the words Kelly used to describe herself. Why do you think your words did or did not match hers? One of the statements Kelly makes in the video can also be a thought-provoking topic of conversation - “How much do those physical appearances really tell us about who somebody is?” Do you agree or disagree with Kelly? Why or why not? She also says - “An awkward interaction is better than no interaction at all.” Why do you think she said that? Kelly ends her talk by saying - “There’s so much more to each person than what we first see, everyone has a story.” Did your perceptions about Kelly change from the beginning of her talk to the end? What made you change your perspective?
We all make assumptions, and use these assumptions to frame our understanding of our world. Hopefully this post has provided you with some tools you can use to reframe your understanding based on knowledge and frank, open discussion.