The Prom Dilemma
By Jordyn Zimmerman and Anitra Rowe Schulte
For many students, prom can be a high school rite of passage. From shopping for the perfect ensemble, to the nervous excitement of exchanging corsages and boutonnieres – prom is a landscape of new experiences and new feelings.
So why is this different for disabled students? Why are disabled students so routinely and persistently excluded from this coming-of-age evening? Why do so many schools and organizations plan and host dances for disabled students, separate from nondisabled students?
The pervasive practice is rooted in ableism and reiterates the commonly held belief that disabled students need completely different spaces and experiences, separate from nondisabled students.
We wonder if this is how it has to be. Can prom be inclusive?
We believe it can be.
If you are considering hosting a prom for disabled students that is separate from your school’s high school prom, here are some things to consider:
Prom isn’t charity. When organizations, students and/or educators create a prom just for disabled students, they may believe they are doing something positive and creating a beautiful memory. But this feel-good moment can be very harmful. It conveys to disabled students that they aren’t expected or welcome at school-wide events, which is damaging to one’s sense of pride and self-esteem. It also sends a message to nondisabled students that disabled students cannot possibly be supported on the most special of nights.
Prom isn’t for tokenizing. Prom court is a tradition at many high schools, and being selected by your friends to represent your school in this way can be an honor. At best, it is a reflection of friendship, leadership, and strong relationships with your classmates. At worst, it could be considered a popularity contest. But it should not be used as an opportunity to tokenize disabled students. There’s nothing inspirational about going to high school prom. Students should be nominated because they represent the qualities sought in a prom court — not solely to inspire or to fulfill diversity statistics.
Prom is about risk-taking. Disabled students deserve the opportunity to experience the emotions that come with prom - from the hard feelings to the amazing ones. Asking your crush to go, dealing with rejection, feeling the thrill of “yes,” complimenting friends, being affirmed - all of it. When disabled students are kept from feeling all of the things that come with prom, they miss out on a universal coming-of-age moment that connects us to each other and builds our sense of community.
Prom is full of interdependence. Family members often help their students shop and get ready for the big event. On the evening of prom, they might take pictures together, cook dinner, or help students get to the event venue in style. Unless specifically desired, when adult family members attend prom with a student, it infringes on the coming-of-age experience — as agency, autonomy, and students supporting one another are all part of prom. While some students need more or different support throughout the evening, this shouldn’t mean a separate night, in a separate space.
In the end, all dances should be inclusive. All students deserve the opportunity to put on their finest, and dance together under sensory-friendly twinkling lights.
Did this resonate? Do you feel differently? Visit our Facebook, LinkedIn, X/Twitter, and Instagram posts to share your thoughts and ideas. We’d love to learn alongside you!
About the Authors:
Jordyn Zimmerman M. Ed.
As a nonspeaking autistic person who was denied access to effective communication until age 18, Jordyn Zimmerman has personal experience challenging the status quo, as featured in the documentary, This is Not About Me. Jordyn is a Program Strategy Manager for The Nora Project.
Anitra Rowe Schulte (she/her) is The Nora Project’s Director of Marketing and Communications and comes to TNP with more than 20 years of experience creating strategies and telling brand stories. Anitra, who also is a children’s book author, believes in the power of words and stories to connect people to each other.
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