Uncertainty: Helping your kids manage the unknown
When “I don’t know” is the only answer…
By: Randy Holzman, The Nora Project Social Worker
With this unprecedented school year now behind us, many children are already beginning to ask what school will look like in the fall. Of course, we still don’t know, but “I don’t know” rarely satisfies little ones--especially if they’re experiencing anxiety and disorientation from the sudden change caused by the pandemic. If your child is asking questions and you’re not sure how to answer them, consider the following when having conversations about the fall:
Your Calm Will Help Them Find Theirs. Find a time to talk with your child when you can remain calm. You may be anxious about these same questions. It’s important you address your own anxieties and summon inner peace before sitting down to talk with a concerned little one. Here’s a great piece from Child Mind Institute on managing anxiety--your child’s and your own.
Keep The Message Simple. Use clear, simple communication, with the facts--all at a level that is appropriate for your child’s age and development. A social story may be helpful here to keep you on message and to make things easy for your child to understand (plus you can both refer back to it next time the questions come up--you know they will!). Check out our post on how to create a custom social story for your child.
“I Don’t Know, AND I’m Trying To Learn More.” You may not have all the answers right now and that is okay. Reassure your child that you are staying in the loop and that as soon as you have more answers, you will share them. Remind your child of what is happening now, what you’re all doing presently to stay safe, and encourage them to focus on the present. As soon as it’s safe to go back to school, you’ll let them know the plan.
Feelings Are Okay! Know that different children process information in different ways. There is no one right way to feel right now, and how ever your child is feeling is okay, as long as they’re expressing their feelings appropriately. Listen, label, and validate your child’s feelings. You can use these Feelings Cards as a visual. Be honest about your own feelings, too, in a way that is appropriate for your child’s age and developmental level. If it helps, try this quick read-aloud video of a Dr. Suess book about how our feelings impact us and change from day to day.
Remember, you are your child’s greatest teacher. Your approach to these conversations will make a big difference in how your child experiences this uncertain time. With these tips in your back pocket, you have some strong strategies for seeing your child through this challenging time. Let us know how it goes!