Coaching Inclusive Behaviors
There’s a lot that’s intuitive for kids when it comes to play, but playing together with other kids challenges them to employ important social skills. As teachers or parents, we’re often inclined to fall into extremes - becoming too involved and telling kids how to behave and what to do or not do, or standing back and allowing kids to figure it out entirely on their own. Just like everything else, a happy medium between the two will help kids develop strong relationships with one another, practice empathic behaviors and communication, and increase their awareness of what positive peer interactions look and feel like.
The Nora Project’s Inclusive Activity Planning Guide is a complete resource that is designed to help schools and families design inclusive experiences that welcome students of all abilities. It acknowledges that meeting someone for the first time can be challenging, especially when that person seems very different from you. It offers suggestions for how to prepare an activity, but it also gives guidance for supporting kids throughout that activity. In particular, it offers coaching suggestions for parents or teachers. A list of “look fors” with suggestions for how to respond as a coach, offering an opportunity for kids to reflect on an interaction and adjust to keep the interaction positive for everyone involved. If you’re planning an event, activity, or even playdate, you can use these coaching suggestions to help build kids’ empathy skills and improve their peer relationships.
If you observe that a child is withdrawn or not engaging with their peers, a coaching suggestion would be…..
Take the child aside to find out what might be causing them to withdraw. Encourage honest and vulnerable sharing. Validate feelings of anxiety and provide strategies to overcome it, like positive self-talk, sentence starters, or the choice to continue watching and listening. Be sure to reflect with the child later to see if they are feeling more comfortable.
If you observe that a child or children are not demonstrating patience or empathy toward one another, a coaching suggestion would be…..
Take the child(ren) aside and ask them to reflect on what it means to be a good friend. Invite them to use perspective-taking to think about how what you observed might be making the others feel. Encourage the use of “I messages” so students can express themselves in a constructive way.
If you observe a child unintentionally using a tone that could be considered condescending or unkind to another child, a coaching suggestion would be…..
Without shaming them, help the student reflect on their speech/tone and how they can adjust it to be more appropriate. We don’t want to cause a student to withdraw entirely by embarrassing them, so gently clue them into the way they were speaking and help them identify an alternative.
If you observe a child touching or moving a friend or their equipment without their consent or without fully explaining their actions, a coaching suggestion would be…..
Gently remind kids that they need to be respectful of others’ personal space and property. They need to ask permission before touching, physically assisting, or moving another person or their equipment.